Courtney (metalhead684) wrote,

Hell & Back

It seems like I have been digging myself out of this hole for a long ass time. Every time I think I am going to reach the top, more dirt keeps falling on me and into the hole. I have never felt so depressed as I do right now. I HATE living Boston with so much passion its not even funny. I am going out of my mind. I am miserable, lonely, lost, sad, and everything else that goes with depression. I miss my friends, I don't have my dogs, and I don't have my own space to relax and watch TV. Plus I don't have my family either. My mom moved out to California, my brother lives with my Uncle who put us in this mess, my dad lives in Milford with his GF, his GF's daughter and my sister. He couldn't take me because there was no room. So I left everything I owned and loved to move out here in Boston. My travel to work sucks. It takes me an hour to get to work at night but like an hour and 45 minutes to get home in the morning from work. That's like 2 and half hours of driving each day not to mention that I got through a half of tank of gas. I fill up my tank at night and in the morning when I get it's already down to a half a tank of gas. I spend 20-23 dollars a day filling up a half of tank of gas. I make no money at all. I bust my ass for what 14.00 and hour and I have nothing to show for it. I haven't been able to work out in like 6 days. That sucks and its putting me into a bad mood because it helped me deal with whats going on in my life. I just wanna move back home to Blackstone. I miss it there so much its not even funny. I lived there for 17 and half years before I forced to move. I miss the woods, the quiet neighborhoods, I miss my backyard, I miss the wildlife, and I miss walking Dunkin Donuts, Subway, and all the pizza shops. I missed being able to play xbox before work with my friends and boyfriend. I miss going out with my friends before work as well. I miss sleeping until 9 at night and leaving at 10:15. Now I sleep until 8-8:30 at night, have 2 be out of the house by 9 just to make sure I get to work on time. Worcester is like 64 miles from my house, so I am driving 128 miles five days a week. That's NOT including if I am driving somewhere else.

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